The Difference Between Being Sad and Feeling Sad
Grief, pain, growth, and liberation
My eighteen-year-old cousin, Chris, shot himself in the head in a game of Russian Roulette late one morning amidst getting high.
I gather he tried to impress some girls but made the fatal mistake of taking it too far.
His two fellow accomplices, who helped him sell steroids and steal gym equipment around town, were also present.
A somewhat dubious mystery remains to this day if these two guys shot him or if he played Russian Roulette.
The two men left the state that day and were never seen again.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the authorities exhumed his body after his funeral several weeks later in search of evidence of foul play. Chris shot himself with his left hand even though he was right-handed, and the two goons he was committing theft and selling drugs left that state and never returned. But no answers unfolded, and we were all stuck with the pain of losing him forever without knowing why he died.
I do not know if the formaldehyde disintegrated forensic evidence or if no one cared, but the police closed the case. And we, his family, were left with no answers.
Chris was taken to the Pomona Hospital, and he was placed on life support.
